Friday, June 1, 2012

Winter coat of our discontent

The one thing I hate about the winter is getting a haircut because now my ears are cold. The bald patch growing out back has stayed the same temperature but my ears are cold. It is nothing a hat cannot fix, but a sheep does not wear a jumper. Winter is coming. Winter is coming, and I have cold ears. 

Okay I may have been watching too much Game of Thrones; actually winter is already here in the southern hemisphere. The days are gloomy, the nights are cold, and the worst thing is that there is no snow to justify the shivering Even without snow, after a point cold is cold and the number doesn’t matter. It’s just cold. 

I generally don’t feel the cold too much. I’m too busy metabolising food like a mad man and I had a mop of a hair style for extra insulation on top. That is all gone now, not gone as in I shaved my head, if anything I got a more fashionable haircut than I have had in a long time. And by long time I mean at least 8 years. When I left the barber’s last Saturday I was welcomed outside by a gust of cold air right in the front face. Icicles were forming on my lobes. 


Hello, Ladies...

I should say almost fashionable because I am slowly but surely starting to bald and that will never be "in", andI have curly hair. And curly hair will never be "in" for anyone over the age of 6. Despite what the expression expresses, curls do not get the girls. When has a women ever described a man as hot” solely by their hair alone? Jack Osborne has curly hair, and I don't think he's beating the ladies off with a stick. 

(Insert beating stick joke)

(Insert “insert beating stick joke”) 

If I can offer any advice, it would be that Nutella is better than peanut butter (isn't that right Mr. D'Agostino? You know it is true not just better in taste, but also more righteous) and when combined they make a great sandwich, but my word of caution would be that you should never get a haircut when you are hung-over. 

There are rules against obtaining tattoos when under the influence of alcohol, but I would like to see them extended to the morning after. Because when the man is running that comb through your hair and he finds a tangle you just want him to die a slow and painful death just like you. I was in that situation on the weekend and I wasn't in the best of health when I sat in the barber’s chair; I winced at the cool mist of water wetting my hair, the sound of the scissors echoed deep in my ears, and my temples throbbed as that damned clipper slid over my skin like someone trying to make a Slip n Slide on concrete. I wasn't having a good time, I just wanted the bad man to stop. The barber could have just shaved a strip down my head and cut some lines into my eyebrows, and when he would pull the mirror out to show me the back for the "what do you think?", I would already be standing at the counter ready to pay. 

Luckily it turned out to be a girlfriend approved haircut, but it could have been much worse. Remember kids if you're drinking, don't get your haircut. 

This has been a health and safety announcement... I think 

37 comments:

  1. Pfft, we've been through this. Peanut butter for the win.

    I haven't noticed a bald patch on you before, how long has this been happening?

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    1. You haven't noticed because I'm taller ;)

      I've been growing it over the last couple of years. It seems to cultivate well under stress

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    2. Try rubbing a little castor oil into it ;-) I've just been told that it's the miracle hair producer.

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    3. Hmm, I feel a new set of jokes coming along...

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  2. What? Dude...curls are fantastic. Although granted there's a horrible "growing out" period when they really are never good, and that can be impossible to tolerate.

    I don't think it's his hair that keeps the girls from flocking to Jack Osbourne. I think it's his preference for Nutella over peanut-butter. :)

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    Replies
    1. I've had many barbers and hairdressers struggle with the inconsistent grain direction that my hair apparently has, and the curls hide it too much. I don't know what that means, but I hear it is frustrating.

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  3. Ok so balding and curly hair....at what point will smashing watermelons become part of your act?

    Somehow your blog RSS and my RSS reader got a divorce and left us kids sad. I will have to go back in time as it were to catchup.

    Peanut Butter, btw. Sorry.

    WG
    http://itsmynd.com

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    Replies
    1. Watermelons will be part of my act when I can find a drop sheet at the hardware store big enough for stage ;)

      Don't worry about the RSS feed, you haven't missed much

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    2. And you stay out of this Mr D'Agostino! :p

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  4. I decided to throw you a bone.

    http://michaeldagostino.blogspot.com.au/2012/06/id-like-to-thank-academy.html

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  5. I liked this part “…Luckily it turned out to be a girlfriend approved haircut…” Every time my husband gets his hair cut I have to remind him to be specific about what he wants, otherwise he comes home looking like he stepped out of the 1950s, and not in a good Mad Men way but in a way-too-short-you-look-10-years-older way that takes forever to grow out.

    Both Nutella and peanut butter are holy. It is blasphemous to diss either of them. :)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Girlfriend approved haircuts are important because I don't need more reasons to embarrass my girlfriend in public.

      She has bear the brunt of all my new material. She suffers for the benefits of others.

      Delete
  6. Hey, bald with curly hair can't be that bad. It worked out for Larry of the Three Stooges, right? Have you considered growing it out into something like that?

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    Replies
    1. Larry from the three stooges? Now there's a look I can go for... You guys should move into image consulting

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  7. Hey there Rusty!

    Giving you a heads up that Jax is sending our list of words for the podcast by email to Michael. Well, more than words actually, there are a few sentences and a couple of questions too. Let us know if we've gone overboard with content topic and quantity - we don't want you guys to feel obliged or awkward in doing this! Thanks :)

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    Replies
    1. Michael is going to keep the list from me until we do the podcast and then spring it on me.

      He is evil that way.

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    2. Lol, however you want to work it ;-) And you know your audience is going to love it because we're already so excited.

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    3. We'll also be advertising it in a big way once it's ready :D

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    4. By the way, I quoted you on Twitter but Jax says:

      'I refuse to believe any Aussie is "evil". LOL'

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    5. Michael is actually one of the nicest guys I have ever met

      But a little too nice... its suspicious... :p

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    6. But it looks like I will have to get onto Twitter now if I am being quoted ;)

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    7. You do. I didn't believe in Twitter for the longest time. But it's a lot of fun. When you join, you need to follow Ricky Gervais.... so funny and much better than watching TV because it's live and you can interact! Good stuff.

      Delete
  8. Be brave and shave!

    Actually, don't do that. Buy a wig.

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    1. I want to buy a toupee. It would look like shit but it would be hilarious.

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  9. I think the real controvesy is not 'Nutella vs Peanut Butter' (of which is a non competition...NUTELLA!!) but the use of the word' 'Barber'. Lets not be un-australian now, its hairdresser! Prepare for fisti-cuffs....

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    1. Nutella - Good man

      Barber Vs Hairdresser: A barber does only hair cuts for men (and generally no colouring, foils or what ever) and many still offer a shaving service (for the face).

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  10. Oh too busy metabolizing food eh? Must be nice!! My bf eats like Jim Gaffigan at a food eating contest - and he is thin, muscular, and has defined six-pack abs. He eats ALL THE TIME. And he wolfs it down and then eats more.

    I eat a pickle and gain 5 pounds. And there are NO CALORIES IN PICKLES.

    Anyway so yeah I cut his hair. He cut his own hair before we dated. It was NOT OKAY.

    But yes absolutely no hungover haircuts or public touching of any kind!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I returned to long distance running for the food :)

      Cutting your own hair is asking for trouble, the worst would be accidently giving yourself a Billy Ray Cyrus mullet

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  11. Haircut or not, I despise winter. I just can't do the cold.

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  12. Eep! Shave your head and then rock a wool hat. Got to keep your head warm!! lol

    ...and peanut butter is totally better than Nutella. It's so yummy that I eat it straight from the jar. ;)

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    1. If it wasn't for the patch at the back I would be growing my own scarf ;)

      Nutella

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  13. I absolutely hate winter, with a passion colder than your ears after your haircut!

    I have to admit, I'd take nutella over peanut butter. But if I get either, I wont complain!

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    1. Colder than my ears? That's a lot of passion, and not the good kind. Take that winter!

      I do like PB and Nutella, but given both jars, it is near impossible for me to put the Nutella down.

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