Wednesday, August 1, 2012

An argument won - Flash Fiction

This post I have entered in the DudeWrite Flash (.... a ahh!) fiction competition. The challenge was to write an original short story under 500 words using the first sentence as a prompt.

“If you told me two weeks ago we wouldn’t be having this discussion now,” said Mary.
“No, instead we would’ve had the argument two weeks ago,” replied Darren. Two weeks would not have made a difference, I don’t want to go.
“This is not an argument.”
“Really? Could’ve fooled me. I don’t want to go to my stupid reunion, but you want to go and you’re forcing me to do what you want. Sounds like an argument to me,” it’s not a nice thing to say, but she never understands why I hate these things. The idea of going to a high school reunion makes my skin crawl, why would anyone want to go?
“I’m not forcing you Darren.”
“Why are we still having this conversation?”
“Don’t you want to see your old high school friends?”
“Shit no, if I had wanted to see them after all these years do you think I would’ve poked them on Facebook by now”. What a waste of time Facebook is. I only log on when people tag-thingy me in photos.  I think I’ve only done like one or two status updates.
“What about me Darren? Did you think that I might have wanted to go?”
“But it’s my high school reunion”
“I want to meet your old school friends. Your old crushes, old girlfriends?”
“You’ve met Michael
“Michael wasn’t a crush, wasn’t he?”
“No!”
“Still, I want to meet old girlfriends.”
“It was an all-boys school Mary. There were no girlfriends. It’s just going to be sad with people longing for halcyon days without beer gut and a full head of hair. I don’t want to go because it’s a bunch of knobs trying too hard to be earnest in an attempt to hide the fact that it’s a pissing competition with an open bar.”
“Aren’t you proud of your achievements?”
“I am, but that’s why I have a Facebook page. I can brag about how awesome I am without having to suffer the pain in talking to these people. You think I created a page to see you ‘like’ spam photos because you love your dog? I know you love your dog even though I walk him every day! The good news is that now this is an argument!” She didn’t like that. Mary’s eyes turned cold and continued making the bed. I don’t want to go, it is my reunion and it is my decision. I turned to leave the room; it was time to watch football.
“Are we going to the Clarkson’s still Sunday? Honey?” I didn’t get a response. I turn back to the bedroom to see if she heard me. She heard me, she looked at me so I know she heard me, but she didn’t look happy. “Are we still going Sunday?” I asked again, Mary had dug in for a silent treatment. Sigh.
Looks like I’m going to my reunion after all. One night of hell there or weeks of torture here? Time to hire a Porsche.


26 comments:

  1. You mean people actually go to high school reunions? I could care less what the people I didn't like in school are up to these days!

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    1. I can't tell you how many times I explained that to my friends. "If I went to high school with you and we didn't stay in touch, there was probably a reason for it."

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  2. This story is so real and is probably acted out all over the U.S. when one of those dastardly reunions approaches. I went to my 10-year. Waste of time and good hair product. Now we all have facebook to 'brag' about our lives and show endless pictures of our babies, vacations and dinner plates.

    Good story, bro.

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    1. Why else would we put up with the Zuck poking his noise in our business to make coin?

      Bragging from the comfort of your own home, now that is the future

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  3. I loved this, Rusty! Very realistic and funny. Oh, we women and our silent treatment...if only we would use our power for good, instead of evil ;)

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    1. "How does the defendant plea?"
      "Not guilty"
      Judge looks sternly over her glasses
      "Okay, guilty I guess."

      Delete
  4. I can't relate to the 're-union' but the convo is reminiscent of many I had before becoming a free man again.

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    1. No I am imagining a different torture scene at the end of Braveheart. I think I would prefer the rack to a conversation where I couldn't win no matter what.

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  5. I think you hit the nail on the head with the purpose of Facebook! Great piece. Bravo!

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    1. I can't honestly see any other point to it. Why would you put photos up if you weren't bragging in the first place?

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  6. Great stuff, Rusty. I've had a few of these over the years. Very realistic.

    WG

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    1. You can't win when they don't play by the same rules :p

      Damn those crafty women!

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  7. I enjoyed this post. I'm not sure why Mary would want to go to your school reunion. I couldn't think of anything worse than tagging along to a party where I don't know anyone, and essentially being there as an accessory for your other half to show off how they've moved on with their life. Frankly, I'd say she dodged a bullet.

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    1. The character of Mary was taken from an ex-girlfriend who was not shy in front of new people, but she loved judging people and digging up my past to use against me.

      I would say judging people would be one of her top three hobbies. Number 1 would be a bitch, and 2 being a mega bitch.

      The good thing about writing, and being a comedian in general, is that you no longer have any hard feelings. Only material :p

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    2. Did you miss the part about the open bar, Addman?

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  8. Bah, I would never go to my reunion. The 5 year reunion is coming up soon, and though I'm doing better than a majority of the people in my grade, I can easily just flaunt it on Facebook much like you said.

    And, man do I hate that "I'm not forcing you" comment that girls make. They are essentially telling a bold faced lie when they say that.

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    1. "I am not forcing you, but if you don't agree with me then you are in trouble!"

      Which is the same methodology the Burmese Government uses

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  9. I really, really hate Facebook. I am their official hater. Actually, there is no reason for reunions anymore with Facebook around. I never have to leave my house again to go see people I don't care for. OK, wait...I like it again.

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    1. Shh! Mark "The Zuck" can hear you!

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  10. Haven't attended any of my class reunions. The friends I made in high school that I want to keep in touch with I do already. Like you said, its a pissing match at best.

    Michael A. Walker
    Defying Procrastination

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    1. A pissing match where the horrors of your past try and justify their actions.

      And laugh hollowly at the "YOLO" moments. Its quite sad.

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  11. I attended my first one (10 year). Don't know that I will ever go to another one. It wasn't torture, but it just wasn't fun. I didn't have a lot of friends in high school, so there's no reason to think they would be friends now. They were nicer this time around, but there was no catching up to do.

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    1. At least they were nicer. I went to my hometown recently and did not recognise anyone I knew. My sister pointed them out, but I couldn't remember them.

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  12. I lived this story just a few months ago. And mine, of course, was the Facebook argument. I already know exactly what's going on with everyone in my class. I have no desire to hear these same watered down stories while everyone's falling over drunk. It's about 20% more pathetic, I calculated, which is saying a lot, because my graduating class is pretty damn pathetic.

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    1. And open bar = shit beer.

      You have to standards in this world. Without them, we are animals drinking light beer.

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