Friday, August 31, 2012

Motivation guaranteed

Social media is riddled with motivation pictures’ clogging up news feeds these days, all with the purpose of making the world fluffy and safe, and to help us as a society to be more than we are. To be honest, most of them give me the shits.

Exhibit A

I like a good humorous quote, but anything sounding like it was originally written for a “gift” magnet, only motivates me as far as aspirin and beer. I don’t know what that says about my own insecurities as a man, or as a human being (men and humans being mutually exclusive sets), but I know I am not perfect and I will never compare to a picture of a basket of puppies with an earnest caption. Or even smell as good. Will reading every single one make me a better person?
If I had to pick a motto my first choice would have to be “if it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done”. It is an unspoken rule of the world. For example, just look at the policy output of governments when they are moving into an election year. Suddenly there are all sorts of spending and policy splurges that would have been wasted midway through the term. Who remembers anything good from two years in? Only Rupert Murdoch, and he only remembers if he likes you.

Doing stuff after the last minute is pointless, so you need that last minute to squeeze out all you can. If it wasn't for that last minute my team would never win, or I would never be able to catch a bus, see the supermarket open, or even get to my job on time.

I understand it is not a saying for everyone. It is in the best interests of an emergency room surgeon to do a little bit more before that last minute. People tend to get nervous when their family member is bleeding out on the table. After sitting on his arse for three years, Michael Phelps three months out from the London Olympics can’t suddenly think “shit, better go for a swim”. He would need to put that bong down a little earlier than that.

The last minute is for optimists living in the present. I am a very much “the present” kind of guy (but more likely a present you would return). I like to enjoy myself in the now, and there is no greater motivation for results than a looming deadline. Eight weeks ago I returned to study in an attempt to gain my Masters. In two weeks I have a major assignment due that is worth 50% of my grade for my current subject. It is no surprise that I haven’t started it yet, jokes are so much more fun to write after all. What do I do instead of writing my assignment? I listen to the advice of a 90’s Australian political satire band called TISM.
Sometime in the next ten thousand years
A comet’s going to wipe out all trace of man
I’m banking on it coming before my end of year exams

Sounds like a good plan as any other, I would be very disappointed if I spent my remaining moments on Earth completing an assignment. The destruction of civilisation as we know is sure grounds for an extension. Right?

What are you putting off right now? And would there be anything I can say to motivate you to do my assignment for me?

Submitting for DudeWrite, ironically early. Who would have thought? Clink on a link and get involved. There is plenty of good reads for you to read out there. All you have to do is follow the links.

36 comments:

  1. I lived by that motto when I was doing Uni. I always got the best marks on the assignments I wrote the night before they were due, so I choose to believe that means I was justified, rather than just bone lazy.

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    1. Sorry, your comment was somehow redirected labelled as spam?

      I did the same, and by night before, I mean that morning.

      Delete
  2. "Procrastination is the grave in which opportunity is buried."

    I can't remember if that one came with a picture of puppies, or the grim reaper :)

    Very funny bit! Love the Michael Phelps line. Good luck with your class! I, too, was a last minute project finisher...why start early when you can panic and get no sleep the night before it's due?

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    1. Oh gah...that is so me - why start early when you can panic and get no sleep the night before it's due?

      Delete
    2. The grave? I like that one. It doesn't even need a picture, but I will accept puppies

      Delete
  3. Baking thank you banana bread, working out, and cleaning up the yarn strewn all over the house, for this morning. In a life-sense? I'm procrastinating on my Masters Thesis. It's in its 3rd draft, and has been sitting in a box in my parents' house since my move.

    For the right fee, I'll do your assignment for you!

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    1. If I pay you to do mine, you pay me to do yours ;)

      I too accept payments of banana bread.

      Delete
  4. Right now I'm reading your blog instead of ironing a shirt for a wedding tonight. What are you getting your Masters in?

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    1. Engineering, they wouldn't let me do Masters of puppets.

      Something about copyright or something

      Delete
  5. Rusty, I'm right there with you on this one brother. I love a good quote or thought provoking anecdote ass much as the next person, but sometimes the crap you see on Facebook is... well... just that... CRAP!

    Michael A. Walker
    Defying Procrastination

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    1. Stolen from magnets.

      And welcome to the DudeWrite administration. You are perfect for this role, plus awesome for putting your hand up and taking it on.

      Delete
    2. Thanks Rusty, I greatly appreciate your support.

      Delete
  6. I am procrastinating (this could very well be my middle name) all of my upcoming week's class preps. I have spent the last two weeks snowed under it all and I am trying not to get a raging case of the 'over it's'. I operate very much in the 'fly by the seat of my pants under the wire' so I get it. A looming deadline kicks the creative juices in gear!

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    1. Oh I am already over it. First term and I can do without it.

      Delete
  7. I seem to work best in the final moment. It doesn't allow for any of that side-ways thought that just gets in the way of doing the job. Although.......some of my side-ways thoughts have been my better ones.

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    1. How does that go with farming?

      Something similar happened to me today, not farming, but a sideways thought that turned out for the best. Its a good feeling when you can justify putting stuff off with a brain wave

      Delete
  8. Here's another popular "motivational poster" gem for ya:

    "Procrastination is like masturbation. In the end you're just screwing yourself!"

    And we all know how much fun that is, so keep at it, sir! You're on the right path.

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    1. The path to going blind is paved with the disposed tissues...

      No, I'm not going to finish that

      Delete
  9. I just can't find motivation from a magnet. I don't care how catchy or inspiring the quote sounds, it has zero effect on how I go about my day.

    In today's society, there is only one motivating factor that seems to work with everyone......money. Just slap a few dollar signs on my fridge and it will constantly remind me why I exist. And I exist to make rich people richer. It couldn't possibly be for my own profit, that would be selfish. No. I go to work and work my ass off for low pay while the corporate monsters sit on their lazy asses and watch the money roll in.

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    1. Yep, know how you feel.

      I'm an engineer and all the work I do makes factories and stuff run more efficiently. Companies pay lots of money for me to make them richer, and then my company hands me less than a fraction of that.

      (but don't tell anyone I only work a fraction of what they think... shhh...)

      Delete
  10. I get my motivation from bumper stickers, although lately I've been depressed, to many political ones.

    Douglas Adams summed it up... "I love deadlines, I love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.". Or something like that.

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    1. Douglas Adams did have the benefit of being awesome enough to get away with it.

      Delete
  11. Do your assignment! It's not like it's going to disappear and it's not like you don't have a whole all you can eat mountain full of things to do on your asian takeaway plate. Mind you... Have you tried contacting your girlfriend for 3 days? Email? Text?

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  12. Might I just say that I dealt poker to Michael Phelps about a month before the Olympics. And he certainly smelled like he was having quite a bit of fun with his friends, after taking a 15-minute break.

    Just saying, that dude is all natural talent. He trains hard, but certainly could have trained harder.

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    1. I feel we should put the word "allegedly" in their somewhere...

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  13. I am putting off going to bed. The internet is just too much fun.

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    1. The internet is awesome, but too much hard work. I'm going to wait until it comes out on video

      Delete
  14. I'm a fan of waiting until the last minute, some of my best work happens then.

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    1. And some of my best cheating on assignments

      Delete
  15. Very nice! And I get amazing amounts of work done at the last minute. But the truth is that I do a lot of thinking, prepping, and planning for that last minute. It just doesn't look like it.

    The only cheesy motto/magnet thing that I do actually like is one I got for my Pop: Any guy can be a Father but it takes a real man to be a Daddy. Totally cheesy and problematic. But still nice because he is daddy to four of us - no question about it.

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    1. If prepping is Facebook then I do heaps of that too...

      Just kidding. Much to my chagrin, and Ms "Anonymous" above's enjoyment, I am becoming more of a planner, I just don't like doing some stuff.

      You did an amazing job with the book by the way. Both you and Gloria should be proud.

      Delete
  16. I wrote a paper in college called OCCUPATION: PROCRASTINATION. It was about my tendency to wait until the last minute to do anything. The paper even explained that it was being written just hours before it was due. In fact, I had even picked the topic until that morning.

    I got an A.

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    1. I love it when stuff just works. That is so self referential that it would blow the mind of any philosopher.

      Did the marker wait to the last minute to hand it back. Because that would have been awesome.

      Delete
  17. The other day I was half way through my new novel, and I just couldn't find the inspiration to keep writing, and then I went on Facebook and saw a 19 year old girl's recycled quote from Marilyn Monroe. And it inspired me so much I went on to write the best book ever written. And that book was Harry Potter.

    This story was not fabricated in any way.

    -Bryan

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  18. popped in via Dude write, will call again :)

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